Harry's nanny, Dumbledore's housekeeper
by Luna'n'Tonks
Summary: ON HOLD untill further notice! After OotP. Harry is back at the Dursleys, and the first day of the summer vacation he's getting a suprising visit. Nearly everone ia a bit OOC, especially Dumbledore.. This story is definitly AU.
1. Early morning

**Harry's nanny, Dumbledore's housekeeper.**

Disclaimer: Everything, except the plot, belongs to the talented author Joanne Kathleen Rowling.

A/N: Okay, this is our first fic, so be nice! It might be a lot of incorrect grammar, but we're not from an English speaking country..! And we'll not describe characters or places that JKR has described, we're a bit lazy, and if you've read the books you already know what they/it look lik.. Well.. I think that's all.. Let's begin with the story)

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"Talking" 

"YELLING"

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Chapter 1.

Morning

Harry Potter – the-boy-who-lived - woke up with a start. The nightmare he just woken from was not one of the worst he'd had, but it was bad all the same. It was about the things that had happened four years ago, at the end of his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This time Voldemort appeared not less than six times out of the back of Quirrel's head, and the last time he'd had a purple lollipop sticking out of his 'nose', and the worst thing was that Harry didn't like lollipops with grape flavour at all. He was starting to get used to the nightmares, because he was having one nearly every single night, especially after what'd happened in the ministry a few days ago.

Luckily for Harry, the birds outside his window were starting to sing, and the nightmare faded away after a few minutes. He looked at the alarm clock he had fixed and saw it was time for breakfast.

Harry went down to the kitchen where the Dursleys already were sitting. None of them looked up, but that didn't bother Harry. He was so used to be ignored by them that he just sat down and took a slice of bread.

The birds outside was now singing louder than ever.

"Dudley, pass the milk," grunted Vernon.

"No, Harry can do that," Dudley replied.

"Harry, pass the milk," Vernon said, sounding a bit irritated because he had to talk to his nephew.

"No," Harry said, "Dudley can pass it over, he's closer."

"Poke him with your Smelting stick, Dudley"

Harry quickly passed the milk to Vernon, while at the same time he avoided the Smelting stick.

Suddenly, the birds stopped singing, and Vernon said to his wife "Petunia dear, do you hear that?"

"No honey-poney, I can't hear a thing"

"EXACTLY"

Then his eyes turned smaller and he turned his big fat head with no neck to Harry,

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO, BOY?"

Harry was about to answer when the doorbell rang, and Harry used the chance to get away and went to open the door.

When Harry opened the door and sow who it was, he gaped.

The man outside were one of the persons he'd never thought he was going to se at Privet Drive. He was tall and had a long silvery beard and hair, and a long nose Harry thought he must have broken at least twice.

The man was Dumbledore, Albus Dumbledore. Err.. Okay then, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore!

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A/N: Well.. This is the first chapter. Please tell us what you think about it.! If we get good enough reviews we may consider continuing this story ;-P 


	2. Shocking news

Harry's nanny, Dumbledore's housekeeper.

A/N:

Tonks: Sorry, but my mother confiscated my laptop twice in a week, and half of the chapter was erased 'cause we couldn't save it in a proper way.. ¤hexing WordPad¤ This chapter should have been up at least two weeks ago, but after half of it was erased we haven't been able to be together so we could write it (again)…We hope that the next chapter can be up some time in the next week.. I think that's all.. :S

Luna: Ah, hello. You forgot one very important thing.

Tonks: WHAT? ME, forgetting something? You gotta be kidding.

Luna: Um, yes you. Forgetting something. Happens all the time, though. Well, the thing is, you forgot (yes, forgot!) to write the disclaimer… ¤being a pain in the ass¤

Tonks: Duh. I had to leave something for you!

Luna: Oh! But, thank you very much, indeed. Okay, let's begin shall we?

Tonks: Yes… ¤HappyBecauseSheDidn'tNeedToHideFromAnAngryLuna¤

Luna: Ha-ha, very funny. But I really need to get started with my D, anyway all the readers would get extremely bored. Disclaimer: All the things you- and bladi bladi bla - belongs to J.K Rowling. Like that! Happy?

Tonks: A bit lazy, aren't you?

Luna: No comment.

Tonks: Yeah, yeah… Whatever! Let's just start then...)

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"Talking" 

"YELLING"

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**_Chapter 2._**

Shocking news.

Harry realised that he was gaping, so he quickly closed his mouth, only to get a new shock so he nearly was gaping again..

Harry was used to wizards wearing stupid muggle clothes, but this was the weirdest thing he had seen in his life, including Archibald from the Quidditch World Cup two years ago.(A/N: If you've read the fourth book you'll know who he is!)

Dumbledore looked like a man taken directly from a hip-hop video. He was wearing a big yellow cap with a red and white routed headscarf underneath barely visible, a BIG baggy, pink sweater with a lot of bling-blings, large wide, green jeans where his orange skater shoes nearly were invisible.

"Wazzup?" said Dumbledore lazily.

"Err.. Excuse me.. Sir?"

"Harry, my man. Gimme some love, you're coming with me, bro'"

"What..? I don't understand this, Sir"

"Okay, I am sorry Harry. I will drop this attitude of mine, but I have to act like a modern muggle. I have come to pick you up, because now I am finally your Guardian. So now that we are family, I am going to be the _ultimate_ dad!"(1)

Harry just stood there and stared at Dumbledore in shock, he pulled himself together and asked stuttering

"A-are you s-s-serious? Am I going to live with you now? In your house? Forever?",

"Indeed, Harry, and yes, I am being serious. Why do not you just go and fetch your things, and I will just go down to the car and wait for you there. I just have to warn you; in about five seconds I am going to change back to my modern muggle style."

"Right.. I'll just go then…" said Harry, still a bit shocked.

Dumbledore just gave him a little nod and turned around, heading for the car, this was the first time Harry had noticed it, and he saw it was a green limo. He couldn't see the driver, but he saw something black and a little bit white in the driver seat.

Harry turned around very quickly, and started to run to the stairs. He had just crossed half of the hall before he bumped into uncle Vernon's fat stomach.

"Who was that? If it was one of my colleagues, and you scared him away with that freaky business of yours, then I'll swear I'm going to kick yo-"

"It wasn't," Harry stated quickly "It was my Headmaster."

"Don't you dare tell me lies, boy! Now tell me. WHO WAS IT?"

"I've already told you! It was my Headmaster, yes _Headmaster_. From my _magic_ school. And you know what? I'm gonna live with him, forever! So then, you and Duddy-boy can have it your ways. I'm disappearing, right? But am I sad? No! I'm actually very happy!" Harry said coolly now gasping for breath. "So, can I go..?"

Uncle Vernon was actually really purple. He opened and shot his mouth several times, and it seemed that he was thinking. Very hard. Finally he spoke: "What are you standing here for then? GET OUT!"

"Ehm… I was on my way upstairs, but then you got in my way.! So, could you please move..? Gotta get my thing, you know!"

Vernon jumped out of the way, and Harry ran upstairs and collected his stuff faster then you could say "Norwegian nature is beautiful!" and ran back downstairs where aunt Petunia and Dudley had come out of the kitchen to see if it was true that Harry was going to move out.

Harry just ran past them out the door and shouted a quick "BYE" with a firm grip on his trunk in his left hand, and a startled Hedwig, in her cage, in his right.

The door was quickly shot behind him, but Harry didn't even flinch. He was finally moving from the Dursleys, and so far this was his happiest moment since before Sirius' death.

Dumbledore was standing besides the car and said:

"Got all ya things, mate?"

"Eeh.. Yes, sir"

"No need to call me 'sir', bro. Call me Alby, and I'm just gonna call you Scarhead, like in Harry-Potter-has-a-scar-on-his-forehead. Get in the car, Scarhead!"

"Ehm, well Alby… By the way, right before you knocked on the door, the birds stopped singing. Has it anything to do with you?"

"Well, yeah."

"Why?"

"Dunno… No particular reason. They just annoyed me with all the pipping! Don't bother me with that, eh?"

"'kay, Alby."

Harry threw his trunk inside the limo before he opened Hedwig's cage and told her to follow them, then he threw her cage inside too, before he climbed in himself. Dumbledore was right behind him, and both of them sat down in the comfy seats inside. Harry noticed that the seats also were green… Very green.

Harry saw Dumbledore transfigured his clothes back to the robes he usually was wearing.

"Ah" Dumbledore sighed "Sorry for being so grumpy outside the car, Harry, but I was tired of wearing those silly clothes. Now, let us drive to your new home. Driver… Oh, I nearly forgot to introduce you to my housekeeper, and he is going to be your nanny too, kind of. I think you know him pretty well" said Dumbledore and let out a squeaky giggle. "Severus?"

Harry frowned. The only Severus he knew of was his Potions master, Severus Snape, but it couldn't be..?

The man in the front seat turned around and stared at Harry with a scowl.

"Hello, Harrrrry" the man said.

The man in the front seat was indeed his Potions master.

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A/N: 

Luna: Haha.. there he was "just a walking down the street singing—"

Tonks: #Silencio# Shut up Luna, before you break my eardrum. Okay ppl… Every chapter is not going to end with a new person coming.. this is the last (for know, who knows what the future might bring?).. Well.. Luna, are you going to stop singing, or do I have to leave the silencing charm on you for a while?

Luna: "—Doah, Diddy diddy dum.." yes, yes.. Don't look at me like that. You're giving me the creeps. Whatever. I am (as we discussed under the story, Tonks) going to excuse our little commercial on "Norwegian nature is beautiful" but that is a fact.

Tonks: Yes, it is.. We can, with the right hands over our hearts (which is on the left side on your breast) say that it's true. The reason is that we're from Norway of course :-D Well.. I think it's time for us to answer the reviews we got from our last chapter. Right?

Luna: Yeah, but we only got three. Come on! Make some magic guys.

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**Reviews:**

**Bwfan01**: Thanks!

**Adriannrod**: We're writing all we can, and we might consider killing Dudley..

**Author by Night**: Yes, we do know there's a sixth book, and both of us have read it (Luna: once in English, Tonks: twice in English an once in Norwegian), but this is just some crazy idea we got a while ago, and in this story Dumbledore needs to be alive, and Snape have to be 'good' (sort of).

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**(1) Taken from the film "Lemony Snicket: A Series of Unfortunate Events"** **

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**

Next chapter's going to be up next week (we think, or at least hope).. 'till then, bye


	3. New home

**Harry's nanny, Dumbledore's Housekeeper**

A/N:

Luna: Finally we could 'broadcast' our story… This chapter will be as funny (we hope), magical (we hope) and extraordinary (we hope) as the previous. Enjoy. ¤Not in a happy mood because the Luna part is taken, but is happy for Evanna Lynch ("Good Luck!")¤

Tonks: Hope? Hope! Off course they'll enjoy it! What are you thinking about? I think you've been out to much lately… your brain has frozen to an ice cube. And one more thing: GET OVER IT!

Luna: …

Tonks: Well?

Luna: Never mind, just read…

Tonks: But, what about the disclaimer?

Luna: Why don't you just take it this time?

Tonks: OK, whatever. D: bla bla bla... Belongs to JKR

There you go.. Now ppl.. just read, PLEASE!

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"Talk" 

"YELLING"

'Thoughts'

#Spells#

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_Chapter 3_

New home

Harry just starred at the greasy-haired git in front of him, paralysed. Snape smirked and turned away.

Harry couldn't help it.

"Oh. My. God."

Dumbledore waved his hand in front of Harry's face when he saw he hadn't moved for a while.

"Harry, Harry.. Earth to Harry. Harry, come in. Over"

When Harry didn't respond Dumbledore turned to Snape and said in a calm voice:

"Severus, I think it is for the best if you just start driving and roll up the 'partition'(1) so I can wake him from the shock"

Snape just scowled at the boy through the rear view mirror and started driving, and the 'partition' was rolled up.

When Harry respond to the black 'partition' either, Dumbledore grabbed his wand and swished end flicked it, in front of Harry's face, while he muttered the incantation

#Wingardium Leviosa#

Harry felt the glasses started to leave his nose and shook his head while he grabbed them.

"OK, OK.. I get the point, are you trying to give me a heart attack today?" Harry asked hysterical.

Dumbledore just starred dumbfounded at Harry "…" unable to answer, but Harry wasn't waiting for an answer, he just asked (still hysterical):

"You've got a lot to explain, old man. What the hell is Snape doing here, and what's this rubbish about him being my NANNY, and your HOUSEKEEPER.? Like helloOo…"

Now Harry was breathing fast, he couldn't understand why he had just said that, but he couldn't make himself apologize either. He was so confused, and maybe a bit angry 'cause Dumbledore hadn't warned him about Snape earlier.

Finally, Dumbledore seemed to understand what Harry had just said, and he started to answer (sort of)

"OK, OK, I get it. Just calm down a bit, so I can answer your 'questions'. Now, where shall I begin..?"

"Why don't you just start on the beginning?" Harry said with a voice dripping of sarcasm.

"Excellent idea, my boy… A few years ago Severus was on a vacation in Las Vegas. He spent all of his money, and more so, on gambling in a casino called Merlin's Palace. He got himself a huge dept, and borrowed some money from some goblins he befriended there. The only problem now was that he owed the goblins the same sum instead, and as you might remember, Ludo Bagman had a similar problem a few years ago. Well, on with the story, Severus one day came to me and asked me for a bigger pay, but unfortunately the school could not, and we still ca not, afford it. We came to an agreement that said that he was going to be my housekeeper in the summertime, so he could do a bit of my laundry, housecleaning, and off course, some other things as well, but we do not talk about it now," said Dumbledore and turned a light shade of pink.

"OK," said Harry. "Now you've answered two of my questions, but how the he…" Harry stopped in the middle of the sentence when he saw the look Dumbledore gave him when he started cursing.

"Ehm… how did he become my NANNY?

"He is a very nice man, deep inside, and as you may have seen at school, he takes good care of children –" Harry just stared at Dumbledore in disbelief, but wisely kept his mouth shut. "- and as you know, Voldemort is after you. Who do you think is going to come after you and save you when he finally manages to kidnap you? I can not, I have a bad toe.."

Harry just sat there, staring at Dumbledore while the word sunk in.

"Riiight!" he just said, and stared out of the window for the rest of the trip.

When the limo finally started to slow down Harry started to pay attention to the neighbourhood they were in. It was a lot of big, expensive houses on both sides of the street, but Harry wasn't surprised. A wizard like Dumbledore was bound to be rich and live in a house like one of these while he wasn't at Hogwarts; therefore he was surprised when they stopped in front of a horrible, little shack.

It wasn't much bigger than the cupboard he had lived in at the Dursleys the first ten years, and it looked like it would fall into pieces bye a little gust of wind. The garden didn't look much nicer than the "house", it was a lot of overgrown grass with garbage everywhere and a lot of other disgusting things Harry didn't want to look at. The fence surrounding the garden looked like it was older then Dumbledore himself, and it looked like it needed a lot of reparations, no, it looked like it had to be replaced.! The top of the cake was the rotten tree in the middle of the garden, which looked a bit 'confused' since it had no leaves as if it thought it was winter, while it was in the middle of the summer.

"You live here?" Harry asked bewildered

Dumbledore answered, his eyes twinkling merrily, "Yes, indeed my boy… Welcome to your new home"

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A/N: 

Finished! We have no idea when the next chapter I up, 'cause Luna have some Danish guests arriving, and we've got a lot of homework (nearly 40 maths exercises that has to be finished by week 7.) well.. see you soon (we hope)

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**Reviews:**

**SeulWolfe**: No idea!

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**(1) We've no idea of what it's called either in Norwegian or English… It's supposed to be the black(?) roll up-thing in taxies and limos... The 'wall' you can pull up if you want some privacy in the backseat (Not that way, though!!)**

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¤Luna'n'Tonks¤ 


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